Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Bisexual Representation In Film, Its Not Enough!


GLAAD just posted the above video to Facebook regarding LGBTQ representation in film. While Hollywood is getting better at making movies featuring bisexual characters it isn’t enough.

There are two major films with Bisexual main characters in them. Dead Pool and Wonder Woman. In both cases the only way to know these characters are bisexual is to have been a fan of and read the graphic novels associated with them. If you didn’t know it beforehand there was a small chance you might have come across the information on social media or television.

So now you are excited to go see a movie with bisexual representation in it. You get your tickets ahead of time and anxiously wait for opening day to come. When the day arrives you spend the entire day giddy with anticipation. You get home, shower and change, then pick up your date or partner and head to dinner. Once dinner is over you drive to the theatre, buy some popcorn and find your seats. 

As you wait for the movie to begin you sit and think how wonderful it is to finally be able to watch a movie with a main character who is bisexual like you, and wish you had been able to watch movies like this when you were growing up. The movie starts and you can hardly contain your excitement. 

You have now watched nearly a fourth of the movie and still no mention has been made of the character being bisexual. You think well its still early, so you wait, but still nothing by the time the movie is more than half over. You know for a fact the main character is bisexual but your hopes of bisexual visibility for your tribe to the gay and straight communities just wasn’t there. You leave the theater disappointed.

This was the case for the first Dead Pool movie, I have yet to see Dead Pool 2. At least the Wonder Woman movie discussed the fact that the only reason men were necessary was for procreation. Intelligent movie goers might catch the remarks and put two and two together. But you would have had to be listening very closely to hear it, if at all.

In my opinion, it is not enough to just “say” or imply a character is bisexual. Hollywood needs to “show bisexuals in a positive light.” For me that means, during the character’s arc, they need to be seen interacting sexually and or romantically with multiple genders during one movie. At the very least, over the course of a large franchise like Avengers, for example.

I remember growing up in the late 70s and early 80s. When someone said, “Oh, they’re gay.” It was usually meant as an unspoken warning to whomever it was said to, and it was never meant in a positive way. So when the topic of an LGBTQ character’s sexuality comes up in mixed sexuality spaces it will likely be taken in the same vein. 

In the end, shame on Hollywood for tossing a bone to the LGBTQ community at large in hopes that we will be quieted by them making movies with bisexual characters in name only, and only to those of us who already know these characters are bisexual in the first place. Frankly, I take this as an insult because that is exactly what it is. Movie executives are doing just enough to be able to say, “See you have your bisexual character now.” Its no different than it was in the 1980s when T.V. and movies all had that one token over flamboyant stereotypical gay male with a lisp and a limp wrist. That is not visibility, nor is it inclusion, it is bigotry plain and simple, and an insult to everyone being made light of.

We need to tell Hollywood; we are on to their Bullshit! We need to tell them we want REAL and positive bisexual representation, and we want it now. We want to see bisexuals in all the ways we are in real life; mixed orientation couples with children, same sex couples with and without children, single male and female bisexuals who have relationships with multiple genders without being slutty or indecisive. We also want to see poly bisexuals and trans bisexuals too. We need to tell Hollywood we are going to nag the hell out of them until we get what we want. If we don’t it will never change. Finally, we as bisexuals are responsible for our own visibility. If we don’t stick up for ourselves no one else will.


Monday, May 21, 2018

Sexual Abuse Doesn't Create Bisexuality


Today I found the above article discussing Whitney Houston’s struggle with her bisexuality and childhood sexual abuse. As this article stated there are 42 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse in the United States. It also stated that LGBTQ children are sexually abused on average, every minute of every day. It goes on to say this abuse is not what caused these children to become LGBTQ because if it did there would be far more LGBTQ people in the US than there are.

My family has seen first hand the devastation childhood sexual abuse can cause, and how secrecy is used to control the victim from a very young age. The article only touched on the fact that entire families work at making certain their secret is protected, but didn’t discuss why these families gather around the perpetrator in an effort to protect them.

In my research I discovered this sickness is deeply engrained in families over time, as the Bible says, “The sins of the father are visited on the son, and the son’s son.” To be certain as the above article states these crimes are not only committed by men, but women as well. One only needs to watch the news to see many stories of female teachers being charged with sexual abuse of their students.

The reason the abuse is able to thrive over generations can be seen in two factors. One the abuse often beings at a very young age when the victim isn’t able to understand that it is not normal and their impressionable minds are easily manipulated with fear. They are also groomed to believe that this behavior is normal and that the love they receive from their abuser is dependent on their willingness to continue the abuse and their ability to keep it secret. 

Secondly, the abuser, who more often than not was abused themselves as a child, is able to pick a spouse who can be easily manipulated with fear and intimidation to look the other way when it comes to the abuse. Not unlike jungle predators who are able to determine weakness and fear in their prey. In most cases the spouses they choose has likely been a victim of abuse themselves and has been pre-groomed to keep silent. This all works because these very young victims are lead to believe this is normal behavior.

These families are so adept at hiding their terrible secrets from the world that any red flags which would normally cause an outsider pause are camouflaged so well the dysfunction of it all doesn’t become evident until long after the victim is in a long term relationship. Often times it doesn’t come to light until another generation of victims has been created.

The dysfunction and pain from this violence radiates from the family like the ripples on a pond when a pebble is tossed in the middle of it. The effects can shudder through families for generations when the abuse is kept secret. What many victims are prevented from understanding is that the power is in the secret itself. If they can find the strength to tell the secret the power melts away. 

I completely understand what I am asking of the victims and their family members to do in breaking the silence is like asking them to move a mountain five miles. Especially if the abuse is long term. Therefore, it is up to those who marry into these families and see the abuse to break the silence. It isn’t easy but it can be done. 

I have witnessed this first hand. Calling out the abuse and the abuser and setting boundaries that prevent the abuse from extending to yet another generation is the only way to stop it in its tracks. It takes a great deal of courage because you will be met with years of practiced tactics to prevent the secret from getting out but you must prevail. 

If you were a victim yourself or if you are still being abused, you must keep telling people until you find someone who believes you. Its not your fault, you aren’t a bad person your abuser is. 

Friday, May 18, 2018

Today In LGBTQ+ History

Today, May 18, 2018, is a historical day in my community. I took a big step forward in the fight against Bi-erasure in my Midwestern city.  I spoke with the director of our local LGBTQ+ community center about starting a Bi-Pan+ support group. The director identifies as Pan herself, so she was very excited about the prospect. This means I am finally practicing what I preach. I have been frustrated for long enough about the lack of programs and services for the Bi+ community in my area, and its time I started to do something about it.

I have spoke about this before, but it bares repeating. The only people the Bi+ community have to blame for our own Bi-erasure and Bi-phobia issues in the places we live, is ourselves! We have been hiding for too long. It is time we picked up the torch and ran with it.

I can hear some of you now, “But I’m in the closet, I can’t do anything.” Yes, you can. There are many things you can do all while maintaining your privacy. You can stay in the closet and still organize and attend support groups which meet in safe places where you won’t be outted. You can create fliers to advertise and advocate in your community anonymously. You can start a blog about bisexual issues that effect us all. You could use your talents to design Bi Pride t-shirts to be worn by those of us who are able to attend pride. Try sharing your story of struggle or coming out on the BiCast or other social media outlets so that bisexual youth and older adults alike won’t have to listen to and read gay and lesbian coming out stories while trying to cope with their own acceptance issues, and the list goes on.

The only way, we as bisexuals, will ever move from invisibility, to tolerance, and from tolerance to acceptance is through education of ourselves, the LGBTQ+ and straight communities, also by fostering environments in our communities for those who are able to be out to do so rather than hiding in plain site, and finally by being the change we want to see in our communities and the world.

Make tomorrow a historical day for Bisexuals in your community!

Monday, May 14, 2018

God Doesn't Hate Bisexuals, And Never Did

As I have said in several of my previous posts, I was raised as a Lutheran, and both of my parents were Lutheran school teachers. I spent the majority of my life as a true conservative. I always used to say that I was as liberal as one could be and still be a conservative. I now call myself a “Little r” Republican, and claim to be a moderate/conservative. This change in my thinking came about because of the realization and journey to acceptance of my Bisexuality.

Now that I am selectively out and spending more time in LGBTQ spaces I am exposed more than ever to very opinionated and vocal Liberals. I have nothing against different points of view. I am, however, troubled greatly by the assumption by these individuals that all conservative Christians lean very far to the right and therefore, hate anything to do with the LGBTQ community. I am here to tell you that couldn’t be farther from the truth!

To be fair, it is no different than believing all Middle Easterners are Jihadist, Taliban, or ISIS. Again, that couldn’t be farther from the truth either.  Most of the vocal right are a very small percentage of most modern Christians today. However, because they are the loudest voice, they are deemed to be the “Face of Christianity.” In all actuality they are the right’s vocal minority.

More and more Protestant Denominations are not only warming to the LGBTQ community, they are embracing them. The Evangelical Lutheran Church of America have many (RIC) Reconciled In Christ congregations who allow both men and women who are living an openly homosexual lifestyle to become ordained, as does the Episcopal Church. I believe the Methodist Church is open to the LGBTQ community also, but I don’t know the particulars. While we are no where near total acceptance, we are light years away from where we were when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s.

There are those Christians who have twisted the Bible’s words in order to support their agenda of hate, like the Westborough Baptist Church in Kansas. These Christians, while well meaning have a very perverted view of God’s word. In order to prove these Christians are a very small percentage of the whole who have it wrong, I would like to quote one of the most widely know Bible verse and the verse that follows it. This will bring to light God’s true intentions and feelings about all of His children.



John 3:16-17 King James Version (KJV)
16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
17 For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

As you can see in verse 17, it is not God’s intent or purpose to condemn His people with hatred but to save them from sin. Before you get upset and say, but being born LGBTQ isn’t sinful at all, know I agree with you whole-heartedly. However, what you need to understand is that changing the way corporate religion views the LGBTQ community is by and large a long slow process. 
I was raised in the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. This is the more conservative sects of the two largest Lutheran bodies. They aren’t quite there with the ELCA when it comes to accepting those of us in the LGBTQ community, but they are no longer throwing rocks either.
There are even some Evangelicals, those Christians on the very far right, who are coming around. For example; Kathy Baldock, who has made it her life’s mission to change Christians views regarding the LGBTQ community. She has written a book, which is out of print but you can still get used copies on line, titled; “Walking the Bridgeless Canyon – Repairing the breach between the Church and the LGBT community.”

I currently have a used copy, but have yet to start reading it. I have, however, watched her 45-minute video explaining the gist of her book. (Link Below.) It is well worth your time, especially if you don’t really intend to read the book.

She is also part of “The Reformation Project” which is dedicated to the same cause she is committed to.

YouTube Link:

The Reformation Project Link:

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Hook Up Culture - Do Apps Like Grinder Affect Your Mental Health Negatively?



The link above, will take you to an article well worth your time. Especially if you are someone that uses apps or websites to hook up and also suffer with mental health issues. The article outlines how, on the surface, these apps are very appealing and seem to help you feel better. However, the result is quite opposite, in the long run. Additionally, because of its allure, it becomes addictive quickly. Because it is so addicting, its harmful effects to its user’s mental health become even greater over time. The author is far more qualified, and capable of conveying this information than I am, so I suggest you take the time to read his article. You won’t be sorry you did.

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

The Importance Of Self-Identifiers To Bisexuals

When I was first planning the post I had intended to make a list of all of the reasons I and my family should have been able to figure out by the time I was 25 that I wasn’t straight. Then after a moment I was very proud of myself for realizing that having done that would have been very uncool of me. I would have been using stereotypes and gender norms to prove my point. Which I have been learning since I have come out is not the thing to do. I have been working really hard to understand and accept this new way of thinking in order to be more loving and accepting of those in my LGBTQ+ family who be offended by such things. I am not perfect but I am trying in hopes that one day it will be as second nature as breathing.

To that end, I have changed the focus of this post. Most straights, gays, and lesbians wear their sexual identity as a defining badge of honor. It says, because I identify this way I am not like you, and therefore I am in some way better, or in most cases, if you don’t identify as me you are less of a human than I am.  In other cases, it is used to say, just because I identify this way doesn’t mean you are allowed to treat me any differently, and I deserve the same respect as any other person. As bisexuals, we feel this the hardest because we don’t meet societies binary norms, so often we are viewed as even lesser still by those who do identify in a sexually binary way.

While I still believe bisexuals need to be out and proud in order to move ourselves in today’s society from invisible, to tolerated, and then from tolerated to accepted. We also need to help both ourselves and others realize that no one should be solely defined by our sexuality alone because it is only one very small part of who any of us is by definition. To illustrate this fact, I am going to list all of the terms I use to identify myself, and therefore prove what a small part of each one of us our sexual identity really is. (I do not mean by any stretch that our sexual identity is un important, far from it, so please don’t take this list the wrong way.)



Male
Cis Gender
Bisexual
US Citizen
German American
Son
Brother
Father
Uncle
Husband
Lover
In-Law
Ex-Husband
Boss
Employee
Friend
Christian
Lutheran
Student
Teacher
Singer
Choir Member
Soloist
Trumpeter
Pianist
Thespian
Photographer
Artist
Sketcher
Painter
Decorator
Collector
Antique Enthusiast
Furniture Refinisher
Reader
Harry Potter Fan
Clothes Horse
Suspender Wearer
Bow Tie Collector
Anglophile
Genealogist
Writer
Blogger
Would be Novelist
Republican
Moderate/Conservative
Pogonaphile
Party Giver
Christmas Tree Fanatic 
Ornament Collector
Boy Scout
Diabetic
Asthmatic
A.D.D Sufferer


These are only 54 of the self-identifiers I use, there are many more. My actual list is over twice this long.  As I suggested earlier, there are some identifiers which are more important than others, however, none of them define us as a whole in any way.

I would encourage each one of you who has read this article to write your own Self-Identifying List. Once you do, you will have a new appreciation of all your self-identifiers and you will see, as I did, that being Bisexual is only one integral part of who you are.