When I was first planning the post I had intended to make a
list of all of the reasons I and my family should have been able to figure out
by the time I was 25 that I wasn’t straight. Then after a moment I was very
proud of myself for realizing that having done that would have been very uncool
of me. I would have been using stereotypes and gender norms to prove my point.
Which I have been learning since I have come out is not the thing to do. I have
been working really hard to understand and accept this new way of thinking in
order to be more loving and accepting of those in my LGBTQ+ family who be
offended by such things. I am not perfect but I am trying in hopes that one day
it will be as second nature as breathing.
To that end, I have changed the focus of this post. Most
straights, gays, and lesbians wear their sexual identity as a defining badge of
honor. It says, because I identify this way I am not like you, and therefore I
am in some way better, or in most cases, if you don’t identify as me you are
less of a human than I am. In other
cases, it is used to say, just because I identify this way doesn’t mean you are
allowed to treat me any differently, and I deserve the same respect as any
other person. As bisexuals, we feel this the hardest because we don’t meet
societies binary norms, so often we are viewed as even lesser still by those
who do identify in a sexually binary way.
While I still believe bisexuals need to be out and proud in
order to move ourselves in today’s society from invisible, to tolerated, and
then from tolerated to accepted. We also need to help both ourselves and others
realize that no one should be solely defined by our sexuality alone because it
is only one very small part of who any of us is by definition. To illustrate this
fact, I am going to list all of the terms I use to identify myself, and
therefore prove what a small part of each one of us our sexual identity really
is. (I do not mean by any stretch that our sexual identity is un important, far
from it, so please don’t take this list the wrong way.)
Male
Cis Gender
Bisexual
US Citizen
German American
Son
Brother
Father
Uncle
Husband
Lover
In-Law
Ex-Husband
Boss
Employee
Friend
Christian
Lutheran
Student
Teacher
Singer
Choir Member
Soloist
Trumpeter
Pianist
Thespian
Photographer
Artist
Sketcher
Painter
Decorator
Collector
Antique Enthusiast
Furniture Refinisher
Reader
Harry Potter Fan
Clothes Horse
Suspender Wearer
Bow Tie Collector
Anglophile
Genealogist
Writer
Blogger
Would be Novelist
Republican
Moderate/Conservative
Pogonaphile
Party Giver
Christmas Tree Fanatic
Ornament Collector
Boy Scout
Diabetic
Asthmatic
A.D.D Sufferer
These are only 54 of the self-identifiers I use, there are
many more. My actual list is over twice this long. As I suggested earlier, there are some
identifiers which are more important than others, however, none of them define
us as a whole in any way.
I would encourage each one of you who has read this article
to write your own Self-Identifying List. Once you do, you will have a new appreciation
of all your self-identifiers and you will see, as I did, that being Bisexual is
only one integral part of who you are.
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