Did Attending My First Pride Out Me At Work

When I came out to my family in February of this year, it was my intent to stay closeted at work, so to speak. The main reason was because I have worked at my current location for over ten years and I have a very high profile job. Many people know who I am, even if I have yet to meet them, they call me by name. Truthfully, I didn’t want to deal with the flood of questions that would most certainly come, in addition to dealing with no longer being as accepted by people that had once liked me. I realize I wasn’t practicing what I preached on my blog, and take full responsibility for not being open about my bisexuality so that my openness will create visibility and acceptance for bisexuals the world over. I am, however, human.

My plan was not to purposefully go out of the way to come out at work, but if it happened organically I wasn’t going to stop it. I am also not so stupid to think that running in LGBTQ circles now that I would never accidently bump into someone from work. I work for a large company with many very out and proud people, in addition to people who don’t shout it from the roof tops, but they aren’t hiding it either.

As Pride rolled around this year I began to get excited. I wanted to go very badly, but I didn’t want to go alone. Many of my gay friends who would have willing allowed me to go with them weren’t able to attend this year. I had a few offers from people of the Bear group I belong to but they were all from men/couples I haven’t met before and that would be awkward at best.

Then surprisingly my son comes to me and says, his friend, who is trans, had invited him to go to Pride and could he go. It was his friend’s first Pride also and they didn’t want to go alone either. I said, I didn’t care and asked him to tell them about me and that it was also my first Pride, and would it be ok if I went along. I would even drive. Everyone was agreeable so we hopped into my SUV on Sunday afternoon and went.

To be honest, after all of the things I have read and been hearing, I thought I would be met with a Pride that was very gay centric with no Bi visibility or representation at all. I was very wrong and pleasantly surprised! Every booth had bisexual gear of many different varieties for sale. Flags, T-shirts, hats, pins, and more.

Even more to my surprise, I also saw attendees wearing bisexual flags, shirts, hats and pins too! I couldn’t believe it. It was so different from what I had been lead to believe would happen.  The one thing that didn’t catch me by surprise was that I saw no men wearing anything that would label themselves as being bisexual, and that made me sad. I would have, but I was newly out and didn’t have anything like that yet.

Then it happened, not fifteen minutes after I arrived, I saw a gay man I work with. He was sitting behind a table that looked like it was supposed to be there for a group who had come to market themselves, but there wasn’t any sign and no pamphlets to be handed out. When our eyes met his got wide as a pie plate. In order to take control of the situation, I said, “Hey, how are you? This is my son and his friend.” He must have still been in shock from seeing me there that he didn’t say anything in response.

I wanted very badly to know what he was thinking and if my plans to stay closeted at work were now a memory. I then told myself I knew this was likely going to happen and it may happen again before I left. Plus I must have subconsciously decided to come in hopes that I would no longer have to hide at work.

I had been on medial leave for several months before this and had been released for work two weeks after Pride. The whole time I was walking around, I wondered who long it would take for the news that I had been seen at Pride to circulate around the company. After all, I was presumed by everyone I worked with to be straight and this would be big news. There wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it now so I had better work at accepting that I was no longer straight at work. I even started to have a dream that everyone was standing around me when I walked into work that first day, and they all wanted to know if I was gay.

Well, the actual day came that I was to go back to work. The second person I saw when I walked in the door was the same gay man who I had seen at Pride. Oddly, he got this weird look on his face that was a combination of fear and uncertainty, like he knew this terrible secret about me and it caused him actual pain because he knew it. I acted like nothing was wrong, because indeed nothing was. It truly didn’t matter to me any more. I suppose it was mean of me not to qualify why I was at Pride and what my sexual identity was when I bumped into him.  To be honest, it isn’t any of his business. It was then that I knew there was a great likelihood he had told no one he saw me there.

I chose not to say any more to him about it because I don’t need to justify myself or my family members to anyone. (By the way, my son is straight.) Doing so, might also make it look like I have something to hide, which I do not. If he, or anyone else asks me why I went to Pride I will say that I took my son and his friend, and will answer any follow up questions truthfully. However, I don’t plan to offer any extra information either. Which means I can use bi-invisibility and the fact that I have always been straight passing to my benefit. I might get asked if I am gay, but I would be shocked if anyone asked me if I am bisexual. 

It has been a whole week since my first day back and no one has said a word to me. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t just a bit relieved about it. When it came to my family not knowing it felt like I was living a lie. Now that they know, I no longer feel like I am being held down by the weight of this huge secret. I have always been someone who shares a great deal of my life with the people I work with, but that doesn’t mean I tell everyone I meet everything about me.

I am currently looking for a new job and have decided when I get one I am going to be open about who I am from day one. I have no plans on introducing myself by saying, “My name is Tim. Nice to meet you, and by the way, I am a bisexual male.”  I will, however, toss bits and pieces into conversations that will hint at the fact  I like men as well as women.

In the end, I still may have been outed at work, and no one has had the courage to ask me about it yet. If they do, its totally fine with me. The only thing left for me to do is to remember not to act like a “Bulldozer Bisexual,” and bite their head off when they ask me about it. I am still the face of bisexuality them and in an effort to represent our community in a positive light I need to be on my best behavior.

By the way, the coolest thing I saw during my first Pride celebration was when I looked down. The street was covered in glitter, how cool is that?!